I've had progressively worsening pain in my tailbone for almost a decade.
I noticed the longer I had to sit the worse it would be. Like a toothache between your butt cheeks.
yeah, fun.
So about a year ago I started physical therapy hoping for relief to no avail.
6 months ago I had an MRI done to figure out what was going on.
The MRI showed roughly 20 tumors on the inside of my spinal cord starting at the horses tail.
"The last tumor is the size of your thumb and is in your tailbone," was the news I received.
I spent the next 2 weeks at every type of specialist you can imagine to figure out what was happening.
After 6 months of going from, "I've got cancer and am going to die" to "I can heal myself metaphysically, I'm not ready to leave this world yet," the final tests showed that the tumors are benign (not life threatening) and not growing.
The pain in my tailbone is not associated with these tumors. They are benign nerve sheath tumors (Shwannomas, like the elephant man but internal). If not for modern medicine I wouldn't have probably ever known they were there. Whew!
But the pain in my tailbone is still there and in fact, worse. The doctors have now decided that the pain is coccydenia (like arthritis in the tailbone). Most likely this is occurring because of a childhood injury. My sister Margery reminded me that when I was about 10 or 11 I fell on my sharp backed tennis shoe right on the edge of my tailbone while playing dodge ball in gym class. I couldn't move for a week. The pain was excruciating.
The first treatment is, "don't sit." - yeah right.
The next treatment is steroid shots in the tailbone.
The first one worked some but the pain still comes back so the next one will be an epidural steroid injection. This can't come soon enough.
Although right now this very morning as I type this the pain isn't prevalent. I had a Reiki/Body massage yesterday and it always helps for a day or two. I went on a journey with my Reiki therapist to try to figure out why I was having pain in my tailbone. Metaphysicians believe pain is created by the mind. I agree to some extent with this theory. When we go into the body via mediation my root chakra (red) cannot be cleaned completely. The root chakra is about security and primal protection. It governs your most basic of needs. I have always had a base fear that everything is going to be taken from me so this is all plausible.
While she is working on me and at the root chakra level she sees a vision of me as a teenager holding a canvas duffle bag refusing to give it away. She has tried to coax this bag out of my hands before. She has also seen (and this is common) a big chest. Like the kind you use to buy at the army navy store before heading off to summer camp. What makes my chest different than others is that when she opens it to see the contents they are meticulously folded and spaced. It is pristine and perfect. She said I willingly give her the chest but will not hand over the small vinyl duffle bag (from the 80's, green).
After our sessions she asked me what happened to me as a teenager/early adolescents that keeps me guarding this? I can't think of anything other than normal teenage drama. I had a horrible boyfriend. It was destructive and abusive to say the least.
She wants to help me. The pain is still there. She has recommended me to a Shaman for a Soul Retrieval session. The Shaman takes a journey with you through your life to see where the hole in your soul got created. Some place where you gave your power away or had an out of body experience. When you have an out of body experience you leave it so you can protect your mind but in doing so you create a hole in your soul. The Shaman has suggested I write my dreams down. I've started this.
This morning I woke up with this dream:
I'm riding in a car (represents my physical body) with someone who appears to be my partner but has qualities of my best friend (represents my everyday awake self: both represent smart, clean, happy). So the smart clean happy side of myself- We are driving away from a lake house weekend (represents the mind on holiday) but we are driving in the wrong direction. I ask why. Because we have to go to this place to get something to clean the carpets with so we can leave the Lake house in perfect order. (So I guess I am leaving my vacationing mind and wanted to clean it before I go back to my home which represents the mind as well) Then we are at some roadside honky tonk (a derailment). I am irritated we are there(coming from an event that happened last Thursday, I wanted to leave a happy hour at 11pm, I know...not exactly a happy hour anymore, but my partner wanted to stay- we argued, I had to work the next day and am stressed out about the amount of work I'm dealing with) We head to the parking lot (a state/space in my mind where you think of your body=car) to leave but she hears music coming from a dj booth with friends from high school(represent aspects of my waking self during a time of complete freedom). She leaves to join them. I get in the car angry and text her that I am leaving. She has left me a voicemail saying she is staying and that I can leave. I feel relieved.
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